My entire life, things from my perspective have seemed normal. This is where things are in my life. I'm this high above the counter. I can reach the top shelf. Yup, things look normal from here.
Then adult life set itself in play, and I quickly learned that things were not as they seemed.
It started at basic training. There is a procedure called "Taller Tap" that gets the 50-some odd trainees lined up by height. Once we fall into formation, our Militiary Training Instructor (MTI) yells "If you are taller than the person in front of you, tap them on the shoulder and move forward". However, time is of the essence so they sat it as if it was one word. "Ifyouaretallerthanthepersoninfrontofyoutapthemandmoveforward!" This will eventually put all the tall people in front and to the right of the formation. At basic training I was approximately the 6th shortest guy out of 45. I knew that Basic would be different being a 33 year old, but being short as well didn't help. 6 and one half weeks of moving to the back secured the foundation of my insecurity of being vertically challenged.
Two weeks ago, I traveled to Sacramento with a brass quintet from work to play at the California Music Educators Association conference. We stayed in a rather nice hotel, and my first day there, after checking in, I decided to go for a run. I may be short, but I'm confident enough to wear running gear in public and not care. As soon as I reach the lobby, I am put in my place.
I am eye level with knee caps. Maybe they were thighs. I'm not sure. It was a tall blur.
Staying at my hotel was the NBA team, the Portland Trail Blazers. I felt like a ground hog among giraffes. It was just legs, jerseys, and something on top, I couldn't see that high.
I always thought that basketball players looked normal on television, since they were around their own kind - you know, tall people. To see them in 3-D is a humbling experience, especially at a paltry 67 inches high. To add insult to injury, later that week, the Trailblazers were gone, and in their place were the Toronto Raptors. Sigh. More tall people.
Then this past weekend, I played an Easter morning church service. Due to reasons beyond logic, the young conductor, a music student at a local college, decided to position his podium, literally to the direct left of my chair, so that his conducting pattern flew right above my hairline. I would guess that this was his second day conducting since his technique was nowhere near anything familiar looking. At one point during something sacred (go figure) his conducting pattern starting dropping lower and lower due to his focus, concentration, and sheer lack of experience. I guess, I'm not short enough however, because if he had a sharp object in his hands, I would have been scalped. Best part - he didn't know that he hit me.
I haven't run into any harm being 5 foot, 7 inches, despite some teasing (some of us from undergrad went to our teachers other college to sit in his trombone choir. Standing next to a gargantuan bass trombonist, while alternating dropping notes an octave or two "hey, the little guy has a pedal D" I made sure he remembered that moment by advancing all over his buffalo butt at every audition we both were at from that point on). It was enough exposure to tall people to feel my diminished stature, and to know I had to make up for it.
As a bass trombonist, we have to move great amounts of air, while securely managing an instrument that requires a Condor-like wingspan. It was a lesson with one of my idols and heroes, another not so tall man, that made me secure with how tall I am. When explained things like "I can't reach a true 7th position" and "guys like us don't have huge vital capacities, so we have to learn how to be efficient", and he followed it up with the most gorgeous bass trombone playing my ears had ever heard. It was then I knew that age old adage: Size does not matter.
I'm starting to ramble, but the point is...the point is...I'm short enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gonnit, people tower over me
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This larger than life blog was written to the accompaniment of:
Zudoko Bushi (live) - California Guitar Trio - "After the Storm"
Osteoblast - New Trombone Collective - "New"
Anthony Plog's Three Miniatures for Trombone - II. Allegro - Bill Booth - "Balancing Act"
Rock N Roll Band - Boston - "Boston"
Home - Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace"
Toccata And Fugue In D Minor - Pittsburgh Symphony Low Brass - "From the Back Row"