My Prayers Have Been Answered!

Today my week hit its peak of happiness when the following three events took place:

- I got to solo with the Air Force Concert Band playing "Variations on Barnacle Bill" for bass trombone and band.

- I have many new bosses at work.

- The following exchange took place:

Jay:  I'd like a #1 with cheese, but no tomatoes, onion rings, and a Dr. Pepper, please.

BK employee:  We don't have tomoatoes.

HUZZAH!!!!

After years of struggling to meet my dietary needs (ie, no tomatoes) I was honored with the acknowledgment of what I feel to be the right decision in building a perfect cheeseburger.  No tomatoes.  For as long as I could remember, those rascally red demons have tormented me so, in almost every way, from sauces to sandwiches to soups.  I have no recollection of when this fear of raw tomatoes developed, but its been with me as long as I can remember.  I did an extensive search on the net to see if there is a specific phobia related to tomatoes, much less raw ones, and I came up empty handed.

Now please, let me clarify:

Its just raw tomatoes.  I enjoy all other tomato products.  Tomato sauce, tomato paste, tomato juice, sun-dried tomatoes, etc.  The raw ones give me the willies.  It is possible that my aversion was inspired by George Carlin in one of his routines about food.  He said that the reason he didn't eat them was they looked like they were still in the larvae stage.  A funny comment like that can have a life changing effect on a 9 year old who doesn't think outside the box.

Now as you may know, the reason tomatoes are in the news right now is because if you eat them in at least two dozen states in this great country of ours, YOU COULD DIE!  There has been a salmonella outbreak in the tomato community, and therefore they are all being rounded up and quarantined for further questioning.  At least 228 people have gotten sick from the fleshy pulpy fruit in the latest round of "When Bad Things Happen to Good Foods".  While it is unfortunate that such a lauded member of the food community is getting a bad rap, I must say, there was a moment of pleasure to hear those beautiful words "We have no tomatoes".

I have had some moments of bravery.  There were days where the pico de gallo was just piled on and integrated so well that I didn't fight it.  Where small chunks were in my salad, and I just grew a pair and ate them up.  However, there has yet to be a sandwich with that red, full moon, goopy, seedy, slimy wagon wheel of horror on it, that I voluntarily consumed.  Every sandwich on a plate, every burger in a bag, and every meal provided for me will go through a thorough inspection to make sure it is tomattenfrei!  If I see one, pick it up, offer to a friend or family member, and go about my day.  Its not as bad as watching a high school friend dry-heave every time someone massaged a ketchup packet.  Now SHE really had problems.

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The following tracks shuffled up on my iPod while dealing with my tomato issues:

Lucerne Song - John Fletcher - The Best of Fletch

Contrapunctus XI - Fine Arts Brass Quintet - The Art of the Fugue

Told You So - Barenaked Ladies - Stunt

Breakthru - Queen - Greatest Hits II

Symphony #11 In G Minor, Op. 103 - II. The Ninth Of January - Philadelphia Orchestra, Maris Jansons, cond. - Shostakovich: The Complete Symphonies

Intolerance - Tool - Undertow

Time's Up - Saga - Worlds Apart

Would? - Alice in Chains - MTV Unplugged

Suite for Jazz Orchestra: #3 Foxtrot - Philadelphia Orchestra, Maris Jansons cond., Shostakovich: The Complete Symphonies